Before us: the power of being alone first

Family therapy identifies a crucial developmental stage called the "monad period," where young adults are encouraged to live independently after leaving their parents' home. During this time, a person learns who they truly are and what they are capable of on their own. This self-awareness reduces the tendency to jump into a relationship impulsively, to overromanticize the idea of a partner providing for us, or to get caught up in longing for a relationship out of insecurity. However, the speaker notes a double-edged reality: the older and more self-sufficient we become, the more we put expectations on our partner.

The speaker argues that spending time alone before entering a relationship dramatically increases the chance of building a mature, healthy partnership. When we skip this stage, we risk entering relationships with childlike needs — essentially settling for a subpar relationship because we feel incomplete alone, as if our worth is tied to our relationship status. A partner should not be someone who simply fills a checklist of needs. Instead, the relationship should be complementary — built between two already whole individuals. A partner shouldn't be the foundation on which you build your life.

According to family therapy, living alone after leaving one's parental home helps a person develop emotional independence. Without this stage, people tend to pick a relationship out of boredom or desperation, bringing unresolved childhood needs into adult partnerships. The speaker encourages people to be sober minded about what a relationship truly is — not a rescue, but a complement to an already fulfilling life. Life shouldn't be built on a man. At the same time, the speaker honestly acknowledges the downside: the more emotionally stable and independent we become, the more we put expectations on our partner, which can make building a relationship more challenging.